Our Officiant suggested that we read The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller. I'm only about 20% into the book and it has already made me look at marriage in a completely different light. One of the first things that stuck out to me while reading was that marriage isn't supposed to be sentimental. (This sounds a little harsh and I'm going to try to explain it as well as the author does so it makes sense). Marriage isn't supposed to be a fairytale but a journey together as a growing couple. Marriage is hard but it's the most rewarding relationship a human can have. It's the joining of two people who are who they are- not to be changed but to grow.
I cry at weddings all the time because it's a beautiful thing when two people come together to embark on this beautifully infuriating journey. I sit there and listen to their mushy vows and think how perfect they are for each other but the real story is that marriage is hard! I hear many people say that you get married to complete stranger no matter how long you have been together for. It's not finding a "soulmate" because that just isn't realistic. I now see marriage in a realistic way and it truly helped me to understand it a little better. There are going to be those super hard days, months, and even years (reminds me of the Friends opening song) but not having those expectations of the fairytale marriage should be beneficial in supporting one another. I have a better grasp on what I'm getting in to. Knowing that times WILL get hard will better prepare us to deal with them in the future instead of us being hit by that realization that marriage isn't always perfect. Understanding this will hopefully boost the well-being of Dave and I as individuals and together as a couple.
Many people look for that perfect partner but they don't exist! They just don't. Everyone knows there is no perfect person and there never will be (not on earth anyway). So why do so many people I know pick apart every little thing about another person just to find this non-existant perfect counterpart? Or what may be even worse is that you find someone and think you can change them. Oh no. That's just a break-up or divorce waiting to happen. What I'm trying to get across is that marriage shouldn't be seen with hearts and flowers and smiles surrounding the couple as they let go of 2 white doves. It should be seen as a realistic and rewarding journey that two people get to take together which will include heartache, sadness, joy, and excitement. It gets to be shared by two people in love. This is why I feel there is a higher number of divorces now because there is this silly, sugar coated unrealistic expectation of what marriage really is and people go into it with the completely wrong mindset.
I'm very much looking forward to spending my life with Dave- good and bad times. We get to form a bond together. I'm excited to get to celebrate accomplishments and support him in times he struggles. It strengthens and deepens the relationship. In marriage you get to hold the spouse to a higher standard. They choose to marry you and be with you through whatever life throws your way. In that regard I'm holding Dave to be my support and my spouse. He needs to be the one who is there for me first and foremost and I for him. It's exciting and I'm glad I still have 80% of this book left to read!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Understanding everyday life
I was sitting in church this past Sunday, listening to the sermon while thinking back to my schooling at the Lutheran church/school. I remember going through all the bible stories, learning the books of the bible, going through Catechism class and passing everything but looking back I didn't really understand what I was learning enough to apply it to my life then. I just went through the actions, got my grade, and moved on with life. While sitting in church I felt something different. I saw how the stories connected to my life at this present moment and I got excited! I started taking note on my phone (Dave thought I was texting). Another example I have is from college. I would research papers online and write good research papers but I didn't bring what I learned into my life. There were so many research papers wrote just to get the grade and then I would put them out of my mind. This is now the reason I am writing a blog so I can reflect on anything and everything in life that will have a positive impact on me as a person.
I have done yoga for the past couple of years and I believe it has really helped me learn to be "in the moment." But, even in class yesterday I was excited to start my blog that I had to bring myself back to the moment in yoga and just "live in the now." Yoga has taught me more than just that. It has taught me to be patient and know that it is yoga practice and that I will not be the ultimate yogi after only a few classes. If you know me you know that I am a super competitive person and I'm very hard on myself to be perfect at what I do the first time around. I know that something has changed whether it's yoga that helped me or just growing up. Dave and I were playing tennis with some friends and usually if I mess up I would get mad and throw my racquet but this time I just enjoyed being outside, being around people I enjoy and of course, my new purple kick-ass Nike's. It was a revelation to me to enjoy the positive things and know I'm not a pro tennis player.
I'm hoping that by writing I will be able to apply the lessons I learn throughout life and be able to understand my daily actions and encounters. I want to bring purpose and meaning to my actions and the way I respond to other people and events. I feel that I learned all of this in grade school but again, didn't understand it then. Better late than never.
Not to mention that the next few months are really exciting since I'm getting hitched at the end of June so hopefully some good stories will come from that!! I feel this will be a scattered blog that's not just going to focus on one topic.
I have done yoga for the past couple of years and I believe it has really helped me learn to be "in the moment." But, even in class yesterday I was excited to start my blog that I had to bring myself back to the moment in yoga and just "live in the now." Yoga has taught me more than just that. It has taught me to be patient and know that it is yoga practice and that I will not be the ultimate yogi after only a few classes. If you know me you know that I am a super competitive person and I'm very hard on myself to be perfect at what I do the first time around. I know that something has changed whether it's yoga that helped me or just growing up. Dave and I were playing tennis with some friends and usually if I mess up I would get mad and throw my racquet but this time I just enjoyed being outside, being around people I enjoy and of course, my new purple kick-ass Nike's. It was a revelation to me to enjoy the positive things and know I'm not a pro tennis player.
I'm hoping that by writing I will be able to apply the lessons I learn throughout life and be able to understand my daily actions and encounters. I want to bring purpose and meaning to my actions and the way I respond to other people and events. I feel that I learned all of this in grade school but again, didn't understand it then. Better late than never.
Not to mention that the next few months are really exciting since I'm getting hitched at the end of June so hopefully some good stories will come from that!! I feel this will be a scattered blog that's not just going to focus on one topic.
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