Realistic Marriage

Our Officiant suggested that we read The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller. I'm only about 20% into the book and it has already made me look at marriage in a completely different light. One of the first things that stuck out to me while reading was that marriage isn't supposed to be sentimental. (This sounds a little harsh and I'm going to try to explain it as well as the author does so it makes sense). Marriage isn't supposed to be a fairytale but a journey together as a growing couple. Marriage is hard but it's the most rewarding relationship a human can have. It's the joining of two people who are who they are- not to be changed but to grow.

I cry at weddings all the time because it's a beautiful thing when two people come together to embark on this beautifully infuriating journey. I sit there and listen to their mushy vows and think how perfect they are for each other but the real story is that marriage is hard! I hear many people say that you get married to complete stranger no matter how long you have been together for. It's not finding a "soulmate" because that just isn't realistic. I now see marriage in a realistic way and it truly helped me to understand it a little better. There are going to be those super hard days, months, and even years (reminds me of the Friends opening song) but not having those expectations of the fairytale marriage should be beneficial in supporting one another. I have a better grasp on what I'm getting in to. Knowing that times WILL get hard will better prepare us to deal with them in the future instead of us being hit by that realization that marriage isn't always perfect. Understanding this will hopefully boost the well-being of Dave and I as individuals and together as a couple.

Many people look for that perfect partner but they don't exist! They just don't. Everyone knows there is no perfect person and there never will be (not on earth anyway). So why do so many people I know pick apart every little thing about another person just to find this non-existant perfect counterpart? Or what may be even worse is that you find someone and think you can change them. Oh no. That's just a break-up or divorce waiting to happen. What I'm trying to get across is that marriage shouldn't be seen with hearts and flowers and smiles surrounding the couple as they let go of 2 white doves. It should be seen as a realistic and rewarding journey that two people get to take together which will include heartache, sadness, joy, and excitement. It gets to be shared by two people in love. This is why I feel there is a higher number of divorces now because there is this silly, sugar coated unrealistic expectation of what marriage really is and people go into it with the completely wrong mindset.

I'm very much looking forward to spending my life with Dave- good and bad times. We get to form a bond together. I'm excited to get to celebrate accomplishments and support him in times he struggles. It strengthens and deepens the relationship. In marriage you get to hold the spouse to a higher standard. They choose to marry you and be with you through whatever life throws your way. In that regard I'm holding Dave to be my support and my spouse. He needs to be the one who is there for me first and foremost and I for him. It's exciting and I'm glad I still have 80% of this book left to read!